The Plan of Happiness

Helloa, helloa!

 

Goodness this last week has been all over the place. I was so frustrated and discouraged but the Lord gently reminded me of His love for me and why He has called me to the work. So before this email gets incoherent and what not, I will simplify with the 2 biggest things I learned this week.

 

1. The Lord only asks a little of us and in comparison to all that He has given we should happily enjoy the process of growth rather then endure. We should be giving as much of our lives as we possibly can to Him instead of going to Him and demanding that we get what we want and expect us to do nothing on our end. He only asks for our love and a small portion of our time to pray and read scriptures and how hard is that?! We get blessings for obedience, isn't that incredible?

 

2. The plan of happiness is for me too :)

 

So, this week I had a lot of hard days, I had many times that I just longed to not be on a mission. I realized on Friday just how much I miss home and my family. I was craving to be back in the comfort of home and being able to do things for me.  Heck I even missed school! :p ha ha! But it was hard. I really miss everyone and it seemed so daunting to have 17 more months, during personal study I went into the bedroom and sobbed. I prayed to Heavenly Father, saying, "I don't know if I can do this, I can't do this." And yet in those moments of frustration and desperation I felt so much peace and love in my heart from the Lord. I have felt very insecure and overwhelmed at times in teaching the gospel in thinking, wow this person needs salvation and how can I possibly help them see that they can be so much happier. It was nice to talk it out with Sister Jenkins and realize to stop giving myself such a hard time for not being perfect at it all. And to also not feel bad that I had feelings of not wanting to be on a mission because that is normal. I also felt bad because I love the Lord and that is why I'm here and I felt bad for then not wanting to be here. I started to compare myself to the Book of Mormon prophets and feeling like a terrible person because I wasn't as cool as they were in having such a strong desire to serve a mission after fighting a war. I was amazed with how and where they found that strength to want to serve mission after mission. And then I felt a lot better about myself when I remembered and even Sister Jenkins brought it up that even Gordon B. Hinkley had his moment of not wanting to be on a mission when he wrote his father that he was wasting his time. Gordon B. Hinkley was an amazing man and even he had his moments of, "This is Hard."

 

So friends and family, it's ok to admit that sometimes life is hard, but it's nice (and takes away a little bit of the fears and frustrations) to just be able to admit it. To be able to get off your chest - wow this is hard and scary, aggravating and painful. I can testify to you all that the best person to be completely open and honest to about life, is God. Go to Him in your prayers and be honest.  Let Him know - I love you, but right now, wow, this is hard. And then will your eyes be opened to the purpose of it all, then will you start to see the bigger picture and realize that this isn't anything you can't handle. :) Realize, "Hey maybe I can have a goal to do 1 thing for God everyday." Then will you see His hand more fully in your life. He knows us so well, shouldn't we take the time to get to know Him? Shouldn't we take the time to cry, calm down, breathe and look to Him in seeing what He is teaching us about Himself in our trial?

On Friday, a lot of our investigator's weren't following through on appointments and what not. It was especially painful to have a recent convert who I care very much about call us and let us know that the church wasn't for her anymore and that she didn't want to see us. Tender mercy though, was finding a letter from my Dad which gave me the positive lift. Another tender mercy was going to Willie Pearl's house, this sweet elderly woman who I doesn't remember that she is a member of the church, is in a wheel chair, is almost blind, and had a difficult time speaking and forming words. We read to her from The Book of Mormon and sang two hymns.  It took everything within me not to cry while we sang and she tried to hum out what she could along with us. It hit me so strong, "Who else would take time to sing to her if not you." Who else will serve if not you? Who else to make her day a little more interesting then just the pointless noise of the tv in the background? She called us angels and said that she hoped she made us better, as we were leaving I asked to give her a hug, she said she would like that very much. It caught me off guard when I went to give her a light hug and she with her frail skeleton bone arms hugged me with a strong embrace. It wasn't me helping her but her helping me. I have never felt so much love and as hard I was trying, I broke and I cried. She didn't realized how much she truly did make me better. And I realized that I was asking the wrong question when I said who else would take time for her, who else then her would have been the right angel that I needed in that moment. That moment where God let me know that I needed His love just as much as His sheep that I am lucky enough to be called to serve. But it's not just for me, it's for all of us. D&C 4: 3, "Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work." If you love God you are called to His work, that doesn't mean serve a mission but I think you all know what it means. :)

 

Friday still had it's up and down, an investigator we cared about didn't show up for a church tour but it was during that time that I realized that this plan of happiness I am teaching to everyone is for me too! Again God wouldn't send me here to be miserable and I know that He truly wants us all to be happy and successful!!!

 

I love you all so much and argggh the timing is ticking. I hope I can remember to tell you about the story of the woman who's name is Theory. She is awesome! Anywho, I realized no matter the days that are hard the whole day, it makes it all worth it when there is that one person who said, they needed you. It is worth it when One person says you make a difference because you waved or smile or talked to them, you changed their life. It is my prayer that you wonderful family and friends take that time to help make the difference for One person. Even if it's your spouse or kid or close friend, let them know what a benefit they are in your life. And knowing you all, you already do.

 

I can't say it enough, I love you all so much and miss you more then words can ever say. And I am so happy I got to skype with you mom and dad. I love you two so much and it was such a blessing to see you, I love you, I love you, I love you!!!!

 

God be with you all, my eternal love,

 

Sister Tasha C. Bush